I want to share the deep things in my life that stir my heart and revelations from Jesus that I think others may gain from. And maybe some vacuous things too...
I was absolutely staggered by the Lord's answer to this question. Even as I wrote this, I wept some more remembering the impact it had on me. This marked one of those days when I truly started to grasp that the Lord really did know me and delighted in me for who I am, who He made me to be.
Day 10 - What gift can I offer You today? Is there some symbolic object I might lay at your feet or some favour You would appreciate from me? How can I say thanks for the blessings You've poured out on me? Is there some way I can bless You in return? God said:
Your tears. They honour me. Say yes. Don't fight them. They represent the river of living water flowing freely. They are a river of love. Remember a time you couldn't cry at all?
Day 9 of asking questions of God brought about a significant development in my relationship with Him. Instead of me asking a question and then waiting for His answer, we actually started to converse back and forth on the page...something that continues to this day. And this began because I was quite honestly...reticent to ask the question.
Day 9 - Do You have a gift me today?
I wrote: Lord I'm scared to ask You for a gift. I ask for things...I ask for money...and I know I kind of screw it all up. I asked for a computer and it's okay but kind of messed up. I asked for money and I get it but I'm still in debt. So honestly I get scared to ask. I know I have a corrupted view of You. I admit it. I feel pressure in my chest wanting to ask. I feel sinful beyond compare. My house is a mess. I'm lazy. I read about Solomon's wisdom...and well I'm afraid to ask. When will I get this all right? When will I feel like I AM standing on a rock? When I will I be able to receive from You? Really receive Your blessings, which You already gave me, but I just can't seem to grasp.
God said: Put your pen on the paper Gaylene. Write this down - I love you. I died for you. You will see me today in a new way, I assure you. Everything you prayed about, hope for will come to pass. Everything...but that's not even my gift to you. It's my assurance to you that you CAN rely on Me. That you CAN lean on me. By day's end, you will understand. There's much to come before the end of this day and all of it will prove to you who I am.
I love that you desire to see my face, to understand my deity. I love that you are willing for more healing...for more. My gift to you is MORE, BIGGER, WIDER, DEEPER, HIGHER than you can ever imagine. The party starts now. I'm celebrating you Gaylene and where you're at. You my darling. My beautiful daughter. Why are you crying? I answered: I can't believe you think that way about me. God replied: BELIEVE Gaylene. MORE.
This actually wasn't the first time I asked God to show me a picture of my heart. But His description this time around was not only surprising, it was bang on...and a lot more detailed than I ever expected.
Day 8 - Show me my heart Show me a picture of my heart. Give me a tour.
God said to me: Central Park. There's play areas at each end. Seating all around the perimeter. A fountain. A big slide. Cameras that catch every move within it. Trees.
Other hearts of people you love... people who are broken... people who are beautiful.
A water park to splash in.
Why is it "your place"? Because it's your heart. There's not a single thing that doesn't make sense to you. Shade, sun, soccer, love, events. Stages for entertainment.
Water flowing in the water park, in the fountain. Fun.
My place. Me. In the heart of Winnipeg. The heart of me.
Working through Rivers from Eden, I continued to ask God questions and started to hear His view of me, which was frankly a little startling.
Day 7 - Do You like me? Why do You like me? What do You see that's likeable?
God said to me: The way you're sitting gazing on my beauty right now. I like that. I like that you take the time to gaze on me and you get the whole deal. The entire scope. That I am the Lord of everything, the trees, the air, the seasons, the little things, the big things. You get the little things so many miss. The smells, the nuances of changing seasons. You notice when the first leaf changes, and then when it falls. You notice singular words in Scripture and are awed by them.
You notice the fluff that is out of place in people's hair. It's not that the bigger broad strokes aren't important but you are wired to focus on those tiny nuances of life. And you get it. You get that smelling me far outweighs a new car or any car. I like that about you Gaylene. I like that you try and communicate it to others. I like that you never give up. I like that you never shut up, but you know when to not say a word. I like that you're teachable in that area. I know you don't see yourself that way, but it's true. I like that you contain joy in a way few others can.
It was Sunday, October 3 and I was sitting on my front steps when I wrote the above. And I felt the Lord's prompting to look around and tell Him what I saw around me, to gaze upon His beauty so to speak. So I wrote: One singular wasp. A swarm of flies hovering over the sidewalk. Hues of green, lime green, yellow and orange and red. A sole bird tweeting. A broken hearted cloud floating eastward. Something just dropped off a bush. A leaf? An acorn? There's two wasps now and they're pestering me. Devi is tied to the stairs and is staring at some of the same things as me. A dog barks at the distance. The red leaves that climb the neighbour's tree are stunning. I feel that if I stare long enough, I can see a leaf turn colour. There is a canopy of trees over me so overarchingly beautiful it's staggering. And You did this for me. FOR ME! You made me this way. Thank you.
