Do You have a gift for me today?

Day 9 of asking questions of God brought about a significant development in my relationship with Him. Instead of me asking a question and then waiting for His answer, we actually started to converse back and forth on the page...something that continues to this day. And this began because I was quite honestly...reticent to ask the question.

Day 9 - Do You have a gift me today? 

I wrote: Lord I'm scared to ask You for a gift. I ask for things...I ask for money...and I know I kind of screw it all up. I asked for a computer and it's okay but kind of messed up. I asked for money and I get it but I'm still in debt. So honestly I get scared to ask. I know I have a corrupted view of You. I admit it. I feel pressure in my chest wanting to ask. I feel sinful beyond compare. My house is a mess. I'm lazy. I read about Solomon's wisdom...and well I'm afraid to ask. When will I get this all right? When will I feel like I AM standing on a rock? When I will I be able to receive from You? Really receive Your blessings, which You already gave me, but I just can't seem to grasp.

God said: Put your pen on the paper Gaylene. Write this down - I love you. I died for you. 

You will see me today in a new way, I assure you. Everything you prayed about, hope for will come to pass. Everything...but that's not even my gift to you. It's my assurance to you that you CAN rely on Me. That you CAN lean on me. By day's end, you will understand. There's much to come before the end of this day and all of it will prove to you who I am. 

I love that you desire to see my face, to understand my deity. I love that you are willing for more healing...for more. My gift to you is MORE, BIGGER, WIDER, DEEPER, HIGHER than you can ever imagine.  

The party starts now. I'm celebrating you Gaylene and where you're at. You my darling. My beautiful daughter.

Why are you crying?

I answered: I can't believe you think that way about me.

God replied: BELIEVE Gaylene. MORE. 

Next: What gift can I offer you today?

Show me my heart

This actually wasn't the first time I asked God to show me a picture of my heart. But His description this time around was not only surprising, it was bang on...and a lot more detailed than I ever expected. 

Day 8 - Show me my heart
Show me a picture of my heart. Give me a tour.

God said to me: Central Park.
There's play areas at each end. 
Seating all around the perimeter.
A fountain. 
A big slide.
Cameras that catch every move within it.
Trees.

Other hearts of people you love...
people who are broken...
people who are beautiful.

A water park to splash in.

Why is it "your place"?
Because it's your heart.
There's not a single thing that doesn't make sense to you.
Shade, sun, soccer, love, events.
Stages for entertainment.

Water flowing in the water park, in the fountain.
Fun.

My place. 
Me. 
In the heart of Winnipeg.
The heart of me. 

Central.

Next: Do You have a gift for me today?

Do You like me? Why do You like me?

Working through Rivers from Eden, I continued to ask God questions and started to hear His view of me, which was frankly a little startling.


Day 7 - Do You like  me? Why do You like me?
What do You see that's likeable?

God said to me: The way you're sitting gazing on my beauty right now. I like that. I like that you take the time to gaze on me and you get the whole deal. The entire scope. That I am the Lord of everything, the trees, the air, the seasons, the little things, the big things.

You get the little things so many miss. The smells, the nuances of changing seasons. You notice when the first leaf changes, and then when it falls.

You notice singular words in Scripture and are awed by them.

You notice the fluff that is out of place in people's hair.

It's not that the bigger broad strokes aren't important but you are wired to focus on those tiny nuances of life.

And you get it.

You get that smelling me far outweighs a new car or any car.

I like that about you Gaylene. 

I like that you try and communicate it to others.

I like that you never give up. 

I like that you never shut up, but you know when to not say a word. 

I like that you're teachable in that area. 

I know you don't see yourself that way, but it's true.

I like that you contain joy in a way few others can.

It was Sunday, October 3 and I was sitting on my front steps when I wrote the above. And I felt the Lord's prompting to look around and tell Him what I saw around me, to gaze upon His beauty so to speak. So I wrote:

One singular wasp. A swarm of flies hovering over the sidewalk. Hues of green, lime green, yellow and orange and red. A sole bird tweeting. A broken hearted cloud floating eastward. Something just dropped off a bush. A leaf? An acorn? There's two wasps now and they're pestering me. 

Devi is tied to the stairs and is staring at some of the same things as me.

A dog barks at the distance. 

The red leaves that climb the neighbour's tree are stunning. I feel that if I stare long enough, I can see a leaf turn colour. There is a canopy of trees over me so overarchingly beautiful it's staggering. 

And You did this for me. FOR ME! You made me this way. Thank you.

Next: Show me my heart

Do You love me? How much?

The questions I asked God continued to yield responses that were highly tender and personal.



Day 6 - Do You love me? How much?



God said to me:

I love you Gaylene. 


Do you feel that overflow?
The bubbling up? 
It's me.
Flowing in you.
Flowing through you.
Flowing around you.
Flowing on top of you.
Flowing underneath you.
Flowing beside you.
Flowing.

And it's all love FOR you.

It's like a waterfall that never stops. Never ever.
Imagine Niagara Falls with no water.
Impossible.
Impossible for me to cease loving you the way I do.


Open up Gaylene for the overflow.
You are my reservoir, 
my catch basin, 
my pool at the bottom of the waterfall. 
Catching me.
Catching my love.

Fill Me Up by United Pursuit f/ Will Reagan

(Love of God overflow :: Permeate all my soul)

Next: Do You like me? Why do You like me?

How do You see me Father God?

As I read through Rivers of Eden, I continued to ask God questions and journalled what His replies were. 

Day 5 - How do You see me Father God?
Do I have the humility to agree with God? 
What if what He tells me is true? 


God told me:
Let me tell you about your garden. Yes it's fragrant and watered. But have you considered the varieties of flowers and plants that grow there? And the wildlife that find a home there? Colors that spring out of verdant greenery. 

And yes Gaylene, the smells. 
You are the fragrance. 
You smell so beautiful. 
No one else smells like you.
Your aroma is intoxicating. 
No one else has it.

My Sweet Rose - John William Waterhouse c.1908

When you walk in a room, people sense something is different because your aroma is so strong that it cancels out all the other stuff. It actually changes the chemistry. 




NOW do you understand why you are filled with the beauty of fragrance? 




Because you ARE a fragrance.

Alabaster Box by Julie Meyer

Next: Do You love me? How much?

Who am I to You?

The questions I asked God started to get a little more personal. 

Day 4 - Who am I to You?

As soon as I asked the question, I got a picture in my mind's eye of feet walking on a paper map. Then the map was revolved and the feet headed into an entirely different direction.

Then God spoke to me: 

You are an adventurer, a mapmaker.

You chart the way.

Others are on roads they think are leading them places.That's who you are Gaylene. You help people who have been given confusing directions make sense of them. 

That's your unique teaching gift. You use your experiences to chart the way. Continue to be totally transparent about your story, your discoveries, your breakthroughs, your walk...it charts the way for others.

You know they've been reading the map wrong.

I just gave you a picture of how when you look at the map one way and just alter the way you hold it, it can change everything.

It is important to me. You are a discoverer no less important than Christopher Columbus.

Next: How do you see me Father God?

Show me what You are like

Continuing to ask Father God questions and journalling His subsequent replies. 

Day 3 - Show me what You are like
(Bring to mind one object of symbol that represents You 
Why are You like that object or symbol?
How does it relate to me? 
If You are like that, what does that do for my heart and my faith journey?)

He replied: 
Open your Bible.

I am an open book, open wide for you.

Every word, every punctuation mark, every symbol, every sentence, every verse, every chapter, every book represents a facet of Me.

I am open to you. Open to your interpretation based on your experiences.

I am the Word.
In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. (John 1:1-2)

This is why I want you to consume My Word, because I am the Word.