Pressing On

I am a lifelong Bob Dylan fan, I've seen him live four times (with varying success) and spent many a Sunday afternoon analyzing his albums and lyrics (two of my favorite songs are "Lovesick" and "Everything is broken"). 

For a vast part of my life, I was also an enemy of the Cross so I never purchased nor listened to albums from Dylan's Christian period. I certainly heard "Gotta Serve Somebody", but mostly because it was a radio staple in the '80s and also won a Grammy Award.

I first heard "Pressing On" when Luke Wood covered it during one of his afternoon worship with the word sets at IHOP-KC. I was instantly smitten and did my usual research (including messaging Luke).

It wasn't just because I found a new Dylan track. That day I was caught up in a bit of a exasperation. I can't quite remember what was going on, but it could've been one of many things that vex me: an accusation, one of my kids being re-arrested, a young woman threatening abortion or one of my guys caught in the snares of sexual sin.

To hear the exhortation to press on, shake off the dust and keep on keeping on from the pen of one of my alltime favorite singer/songwriters was another potent reminder of the power of music in my life.

Well I'm pressing on
Yes, I'm pressing on
To the higher calling of my Lord
Many try to stop me, shake me up in my mind
Say, "Prove to me that He is Lord, show me a sign"
What kind of sign they need when it all come from within
When what's lost has been found, what's to come has already been?
Shake the dust off of your feet, don't look back
Nothing now can hold you down, nothing that you lack
Temptation's not an easy thing, Adam given the devil reign
Because he sinned I got no choice, it run in my vein
You know the adversary never sleeps - he is a roaring beast
He always comes at the time that you expect him least
And you know that he's responsible for death and pain and loss
 But we know we'll overcome him by the victory at the cross


#MonthfulOfMusic #HoodMom

war on grumbling day thirty six

Day 36 

I'm thankful for the Lord of breakthroughs. #WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving 

It's pretty astounding how many breakthroughs I've experienced with the Lord. But I have to say the only thing better is getting to participate in other people's breakthroughs. Whether it's through loving or contending in prayer, I always find it exhilarating. It gives me a fresh infusion of hope and the solid assurance that God's heart is all about breakthrough for each of His kids.

Bob Dylan - Cover Down, Break Through

You've got an image of yourself  // You've built by yourself alone //

But it will come a-tumblin' down // Just like the walls are made of stone //

You will be separated from everything you seem to be //

You think you'll be liberated //

Yeah, but the grave won't set you free //

You've got to cover down, cover down, break through //

Cover down, cover down, break through 

Lord is there a painful memory in my life where you'd like to meet me?

As I continued to ask God questions day by day, His tenderness, especially when correcting me, began to eradicate some ideas I had held on to for far too long.

Day 13 - Lord, is there a painful memory in my life where you'd like to meet me?
Where were You then?
What were You doing?
What do you want to show me or tell me there?
How will you redeem this?

My mind started to flood with memories: 
Pebblewood Lane. Age four to seven? My chest is tightening. The family* across the street. Big pile of snow in 1966. Denise's toboggan accident. Andrew's accident. Neighborhood girl* Mrs. Curtis' kindergarten. The Beatles on tv...Ed Sullivan. Chatty Cathy doll. Mr. Dress-up. I just remember the living room, the dining room and the kitchen and the backyard...mostly because of pictures. I remember the front steps. I remember the front yard. But I do not remember my bedroom AT ALL. 
Pebblewood Lane.
So much darkness...so much darkness. 
In people. In my soul. I am broken.
Where would you like to meet me?

God said: On the toboggan hill...when your sister broke her leg. You felt it all crashing down. That's when you gave up....really threw in the towel. You blamed yourself for so much Gaylene...none of it was your fault. None. of. it. You yelled "why" out loud..in your spirit...in your mind. None of it was your fault. I'm not saying you didn't get blamed for things you didn't do, but you took on so much more. I'm going to pick up the pieces Gaylene. I am going to rebuild. Will you partner with me in the middle of all this pain? I'm not asking you to go through to punish you. But you've held it in for too long. It needs to be released. Remember: I SHALL BE RELEASED. Instead of turning to your old negative thoughts - I am a loser, I am alone - will you choose to look at Me? 

Of course I knew what was going to happen last night. Of course I knew. I've seen it all. I know why you can't  handle blood I know why you faint. Will you choose Me in the middle of it all? Will you choose to listen to My voice?

I replied: I will try. I will do my best, but if it's a yes or no, I have to say yes. I have nothing else Lord. Let's face it. It's all gone. The husband, dreams of family, dreams of travel. The lie that my family is functional. The lie that a career is the only thing. The lie that it's all about me. The belief that if I can just think harder, I can figure it all out. The belief that things...travel...stuff...will make me happy. None of it works.  Only You Lord. It's only You so I have to say Yes to your requests. I can only say I'll partner with You.

I remember pulling that toboggan. Did I ask for Your help?

God answered: Yes you did. 

I was under so much condemnation. I just, in my spirit, felt so much RESIGNATION. 

Well Gaylene I was there. I was at the top of the hill. I was there. I saw what the enemy did to your broken little psyche. And throughout all of it...I loved you unconditionally. I saw how it all played out. I tried to hug you and comfort you, but you turned your back. This thing you do - zone out when I'm talking - has to stop. Can you do that?

Yes Lord. I know, I want it to stop. 

You think I'm going to mark you, that there will be pencil marks all over your life, but that's not true. 

Do I really do that? Expect to be marked hard? Even though I know you're a loving God.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0WMBYQL14U
*Names changed for privacy reasons
NEXT: What's on Your heart God?