Winter is singing to me

This summer was a bit duller than most due to my dad's passing, and then autumn 2016 held on for a surreal length of time. Last week, however, winter finally settled in with all its fury: heaps of snow, ferocious winds and the subsequent big chill. 

Thing is, I kinda like winter. I don't love the endless putting on and taking off of layers of clothes and the grimy leftovers of the sand and dirt on the streets in March. But j'adore the endless white, the crunch crunch crunch of walking in snow and the way it allows me to anticipate and appreciate spring and summer. 

My mom died in late November in Gimli, right after the town's first snowfall, but Winnipeg didn't get any substantial flurries for another couple weeks. Maybe it's because I've seen 50 plus winters and several blizzards, but I wasn't at all fazed by the over 30 centimeters of snow that got dumped on Winnipeg. 

This afternoon I was driving and "Sing Winter" by Jonathan David and Melissa Helser came on my stereo and I was undone by the lyrics.

Can I fall Iike glory and wash your year away // 

All that remains was really meant to stay //

Come and clothe me Winter, I really need a change

Oh those Helsers; they always know the right things to say. Come Lord, wash away this terrible 2016. Come with Your glory and transform what's left of my life. Come clothe me with each distinct snowflake, which You created. Come, Lord. I need You.

Hear the snowflakes falling // Winter’s calling my name

The silent song she’s singing // What’s she trying to say?

Can I fall like glory to wash your year away? //

All that remains was really meant to stay //

Come and clothe me Winter, I really need a change // 

With silent redemption, Cover me with grace //

Hear the song of beauty, Melodies and sounds //

Cover you in white love // The joy you lost but now have found //
Sing sing winter // Sing me your silent song

#WarOnGrumbling Day 28

I'm thankful that even when I fail, there is grace.

Okay I admit it. I grumbled today. A whole lot. Winnipeg's Santa Clause parade is always a test to my usual positive temperment and this year oh did it ever kick my ass. I started my day whining because the parade actually takes over my entire neighborhood with its road closures, massive floats, costumed people and police presence. So I got out of dodge and positioned myself at my 24/7 Starbucks and later at a women's peacebuilding roundtable for South Sudan.

I managed to masterfully elude the parade's resulting traffic snares until I offered to drive one of my kids to work because she was running late. I ended up getting stuck in a massive traffic jam, prompting me to unleash a torrent of potty mouth and even to yell at a police officer (I am quite grateful that he laughed at me).

On my way home, I had a little chat with my heavenly Papa about my behaviour. And I felt His grace. It's so real, especially when I mess up and admit it. 

Find me here on my knees again...I will never be able to grasp what I did to access His grace. It's truly humbling.

I could run for all my days // But I'd never run away // There's no mistake I could make // That could ever make You change // There's so much grace in the arms of the Father

WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving

#WarOnGrumbling Day 24

I'm thankful I live in a city with rivers where I can go to pray.

Palmerston at Aubrey ©  Bryan Scott

Today I did exactly that on the banks of the Assiniboine River in Wolesley at sunset with a sister. Oh did we ever pray to the Good Lord, who will surely show us the way.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way!

O sisters let's go down,
Let's go down, come on down,
O sisters let's go down,
Down in the river to pray.

O brothers let's go down,
Let's go down, come on down,
Come on brothers let's go down,
Down in the river to pray.

O fathers let's go down,
Let's go down, come on down,
O fathers let's go down,
Down in the river to pray

O mothers let's go down,
Let's go down, don't you want to go down,
Come on mothers let's go down,
Down in the river to pray.

O sinners let's go down,

Let's go down, come on down,
O sinners let's go down,
Down in the river to pray.

#WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving

#WarOnGrumbling Day 10

Today I'm thankful for the way God speaks to me when I walk. 

This afternoon I went for a stroll to do some errands and take in the last of the warm autumnal air. Like usual, I was praying as I walked and I casually asked God to show me things I needed to see. 

I wandered down Hargrave Street in between a parkade and MTS Centre which casts a lot of darkness between the two structures. A few steps later, I was swathed in light and I looked up, and there was the construction site for True North Square. Its cranes were rising up to the sky and the sun shining on it all. It was all so beauteous I gasped out loud.

Then God spoke to me so clearly about what I was looking at. I somehow doubt I would've ever heard what He said sitting at home. He's made me to move throughout Winnipeg and always shows up in splendor in so many ways.

The heart is a bloom //
Shoots up through the stony ground
But there's no room // No space to rent in this town
It's a beautiful day // Don't let it get away
Touch me // Take me to that other place
Teach me // I know I'm not a hopeless case 
Reach me // I know I'm not a hopeless case
It's warm in the sun, I reach to the sun

 

#WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving

#WarOnGrumbling Day 4

Today I'm thankful for light breaking through on a dreary day.

The past couple of days have been rather bleak and colder as autumn stretches forth here in Winnipeg. The mostly grey skies aren't offering the harvest color palette much opportunity to shine. Yesterday when I headed out at dusk I noticed the light was muted, but lovely. Then tonight when a friend picked me up right before sunset I could see the weather system with dark clouds was passing over, unveiling a beauteous glow over downtown. 

It took my breath away and made me grateful I am created to revere all of God's creation. After all, it was Him who said "Let there be light" And there was light.

You are my light //

You shine it through my darkest darkness

#WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving

Cry In My Heart

It's hard when you accept Jesus and much of the music you've listened to all your life simply doesn't make sense any longer. And the Christian music you hear is just...meh. 

Thankfully everything changed when I first saw Winnipeg Christian band Starfield live at The Meeting Place. A brand spanking new Christian, I was a bit flummoxed when a young guy I met at the concert offered to buy me their new CD when I told him I was too broke. Ummm, what? I actually wondered if he was coming on to me. Truth be told I still didn't yet know how to receive generosity.

I've seen Starfield live plenty of times, but I became infatuated with their song "Cry in My Heart" because of all things, a Dayspring audio greeting card that featured the verse as a snippet. I would choke up weeping every time I heard What do I have if I don't have You, Jesus? // What in this life could mean any more? // You are my rock // You are my glory // You are the lifter of my head.

I loved the imagery of Him lifting my head even if it took me a few dozen listens to realize that was directly from Scripture.

But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.(Psalm 3:3)

Plus, the questions they posed were just so potent to me. What would I do if I didn't have The One who gives meaning to my life? Turns out Jesus is still revealing the answers to me every day.

There's a cry in my heart for Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper
Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart could I go there with You?

For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You
For what do I have if I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter of my head

#MonthfulOfMusic #HoodMom

war on grumbling day seven

Day 7 

I'm thankful for what I like to call my so-called African life. I asked God for Africa...He gave it to me here on the prairies. #WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving

I'm continually astounded at how the Lord has seamlessly woven me into different African communities here in Winnipeg. And given me dozens sweet and beautiful young men and women to co-parent in various ways. It's such a picture of His restoration, love and perfect leadership in my life.

So much love to share // I just can't see how we livin' without it
So much love to care // Don't miss, don't miss one moment about it
So much love to share// Resist this bliss, oh, I really doubt it

war on grumbling day four

Day 4 

I'm so thankful that I live in a democracy where I can walk to the end of my street and vote with ease and freedom. It might sound trite, but I know so many fugees, international students and even permanent residents who don't enjoy that privilege. #WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving

When I filled in my ballot for Winnipeg's civic election this morning, one of the workers at the polling station asked me to watch it register on the machine to assure it was counted. I was voter number 88 at that station. And no matter what anyone says...my vote counts. 

But the vote that counts most is the one I made for Jesus on Dec. 22, 2004. Jesus Christ is the ruler of all the kings of the earth. And over all the presidents and chiefs and premiers and governors and prime ministers and mayors and city councillors and school trustees. And make no mistake about it, He reigns.