Winter is singing to me

This summer was a bit duller than most due to my dad's passing, and then autumn 2016 held on for a surreal length of time. Last week, however, winter finally settled in with all its fury: heaps of snow, ferocious winds and the subsequent big chill. 

Thing is, I kinda like winter. I don't love the endless putting on and taking off of layers of clothes and the grimy leftovers of the sand and dirt on the streets in March. But j'adore the endless white, the crunch crunch crunch of walking in snow and the way it allows me to anticipate and appreciate spring and summer. 

My mom died in late November in Gimli, right after the town's first snowfall, but Winnipeg didn't get any substantial flurries for another couple weeks. Maybe it's because I've seen 50 plus winters and several blizzards, but I wasn't at all fazed by the over 30 centimeters of snow that got dumped on Winnipeg. 

This afternoon I was driving and "Sing Winter" by Jonathan David and Melissa Helser came on my stereo and I was undone by the lyrics.

Can I fall Iike glory and wash your year away // 

All that remains was really meant to stay //

Come and clothe me Winter, I really need a change

Oh those Helsers; they always know the right things to say. Come Lord, wash away this terrible 2016. Come with Your glory and transform what's left of my life. Come clothe me with each distinct snowflake, which You created. Come, Lord. I need You.

Hear the snowflakes falling // Winter’s calling my name

The silent song she’s singing // What’s she trying to say?

Can I fall like glory to wash your year away? //

All that remains was really meant to stay //

Come and clothe me Winter, I really need a change // 

With silent redemption, Cover me with grace //

Hear the song of beauty, Melodies and sounds //

Cover you in white love // The joy you lost but now have found //
Sing sing winter // Sing me your silent song

#WarOnGrumbling Day 28

I'm thankful that even when I fail, there is grace.

Okay I admit it. I grumbled today. A whole lot. Winnipeg's Santa Clause parade is always a test to my usual positive temperment and this year oh did it ever kick my ass. I started my day whining because the parade actually takes over my entire neighborhood with its road closures, massive floats, costumed people and police presence. So I got out of dodge and positioned myself at my 24/7 Starbucks and later at a women's peacebuilding roundtable for South Sudan.

I managed to masterfully elude the parade's resulting traffic snares until I offered to drive one of my kids to work because she was running late. I ended up getting stuck in a massive traffic jam, prompting me to unleash a torrent of potty mouth and even to yell at a police officer (I am quite grateful that he laughed at me).

On my way home, I had a little chat with my heavenly Papa about my behaviour. And I felt His grace. It's so real, especially when I mess up and admit it. 

Find me here on my knees again...I will never be able to grasp what I did to access His grace. It's truly humbling.

I could run for all my days // But I'd never run away // There's no mistake I could make // That could ever make You change // There's so much grace in the arms of the Father

WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving

#WarOnGrumbling Day 14

Today I'm thankful that Father God always moves.

How do I say thank You, Lord For the way that You love And the way that You come For all that You've done All that You'll do My hearts pours out thank You You don't have to come But You always do You show up in splendor And change the whole room How do I say thank You, Lord For the life that You gave The cross that You bore For the love You poured out To ransom my soul My hearts pours out this thankful song You walk through all my walls Conquered my shame Stepped into my past Fill my world with grace You didn't have to come But You wanted to I say thank You

#WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving

Redemption Rain

I truly enjoy it when it rains. When it pours, I do the exact opposite of most and run into the storm. I don't like umbrellas or rain hats because I especially love the feeling of rain on my hair. When I was a little girl at the cottage, I washed my hair in the rain barrel and I still prefer it to tap water.

So it seemed fitting when my friend Janelle was listening to "Redemption Rain" by Melissa Helser one day and got the distinct impression the song held something for me. I have made no secret of my fandom of all things Helser, but I'd never actually mentioned this to her.

The song has become an anthem of sorts for me. Not just because I believe He will come like the rain, or because rain washes me clean, refreshes me, and is necessary for lushness and growth. But also because rain just feels so good on my skin, on my face and of course on my hair. And redemption raining in my life is so amazing in my heart, mind and soul. 

You gave abundant showers, O God; you refreshed your weary inheritance (Psalm 68:9)

Redemption Rain by Starla Michelle Halfmann

Won't you come up here, come up high
Won't you sing His praise, let it rise
Up from your, ashes and all your pain
Won't you come and dance, in redemption's rain
Come up here
Redemption rain is falling down, down, down
Redemption's love is pouring out, out, out
Redemption's song is singing la, la, la
He's singing la, la, la
Won't you come up here, come up now
Won't you leave your worries below the clouds
And let His beauty fill your lungs
The heavenly chorus it has begun
Come up here
Oh love be in my bones
Love shake down my walls


#MonthfulOfMusic #HoodMom

God of the Angel Armies

It was quite the struggle choosing just one song by Jonathan David Helser. I adore so many of his songs and I've had several encounters with my heavenly Papa while listening to his music. 

One of the most memorable happened while I was listening to  "God of the Angel Armies". A few years back He repeatedly told me "things are not what they seem" whenever I'd complain or ask for advice about the state of my life and ministry. To my finite mind, I thought He sounded like a bit a broken record and at one point I even doubted I was hearing Him correctly.

Then I heard "God of the Angel Armies" and specifically the lyric:
Finally I'm starting to see that things are not as they seem // Nothing can come between Your mighty love for me //
No ear has ever heard, no eye has ever seen // What You have planned for those You set Your love upon

It was no coincidence that Helser was singing the exact same words I'd been hearing. I knew it was Papa beckoning me to see with the eyes of my heart, to look deeper than I had been previously. I was wrecked by this revelation and touched that it came through one of my favorite worship leaders.

The extended version of this song ends with beautiful and intimate prophetic worship by Helser along with his wife Melissa. One of the things he sings is "I think the Lord has this song on repeat."

Yes. I know that feeling.

Who is this King-Glory?
God-of-the-Angel-Armies: he is King-Glory. (Psalm 24v10)

Seems like all I can see is the enemy surrounding me Seems like all I can feel are lies that You're not real I lift my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the One who the made the earth and heavens I believe that You're more real than what eyes can see I believe the hills are full of a mighty angel army God of the angel armies, You're mighty to save God of the angel armies, You're worthy of our praise God of the angel armies, You fight for us God of the angel armies, You come down when praises go up Finally I'm starting to see things are not as they seem Nothing can come between Your mighty love for me No ear has ever heard, no eye has ever seen What You have planned for those You set Your love upon I believe You're greater than I could ever dream I believe that You're coming again with a mighty angel army When praises go up You come down and you walk through the walls You're in the heavens You come down at the sound of my praise You come wave after wave, wave after wave I've got to worship. This is what I was made for I've got to shout. I've got to shout out Your love This is what I was made to do is worship You, Lord All those angels I want to waste my life with the angels Pouring out, pouring out praise I don't care what the world might say I believe that You're more real Than what my eyes, they can see I see You like the wind blowing through the trees I see You, Papa. You're fighting for my family You're fighting for my bride You won't let her go You're blowing through my leaves, Daddy and I just want to make You smile I just want to touch Your heart I don't care what it takes I'm breaking open the bottle of my praise I've got to touch Your heart, Father I've got to move You closer This generation has got to see the love of my Father No one's ever loved me nobobdy has ever fought for me the way You do You walk through my walls You break through my darkness You save me. You love me You're riding the wind of praise my leaves are dancing Thank you, Father Melissa Helser: I just want to say Thank You I just want to say Thank You Thank You for coming up over my mountain And rushing down into my valley I just want to say Thank You You didn't have to come, but You did and I'm thankful, Lord Thank you for coming, thank You for loving Thank you, thank you, thank you…. Jonathan: I think the Lord has this song on repeat He can't stay away from me when I sing His name He can't stay away from me when I sing His name He can't stay away from you when you sing that way He's got to come down and catch every tear that you weep He knows every dream you've ever dreamed He's so proud of you He's so pleased in you He's seen it all He's caught every tear His angels are always watching over you And they never stop ‘cause He never stops We're singing praise! I believe that You're greater than I could ever dream I believe that You're coming again with a mighty angel army I believe that You're more real than what eyes can see and I believe these hills are full of mighty angel armies

#MonthfulOfMusic #HoodMom

war on grumbling day thirty two

Day 32 

Today I'm thankful that God is all about more. #WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving 

Abba challenged me earlier this year. He said I could ask of Him "abundantly more" than I had been asking. When I think about it, that is quite apropos. At the house of prayer I attend, I have a dear friend who always prays for fire. And me? I always ask for more.

This morning, I was at a networking meeting for youth

pastors and leaders in the city and I was praying for the young men and women I've been contending for over the past decade. And then it just struck me. I can ask for more. So I did. I asked Jesus to encounter every youth that the pastors who were present oversee. And then I reached a little higher. I asked for every young person in the city. Why not? He said I could. And after all, He is God. 

You're more real than the ground I'm standing on //

You're more real than the wind in my lungs //

Your thoughts define me // You're inside me // You're my reality

Abba, I belong to You

What dreams do you want to awaken in me?

This was a bit of a touchy subject for me since so many of my long cherished dreams seemed to go by the wayside when I became a Christian. I can't say this was the most satisfying response from God during the process of asking Him 40 questions, what with Him answering my question with a question...

Day 35: What dreams do you want to awaken in me?
Can You awaken a dream or desire that I had previously shelved?

I started: Okay here's the dreams I think I've squashed: marriage and babies, writing a book, a car, travel, golf, financial stability. Any of them pie in the sky? Are any of them what You want to awaken. I know it's just ME...fleshly, selfish, but I concede to Your authority. What dream would YOU like to awaken.

God said: Are you getting the picture Gaylene? Nothing will come between us. Nothing can stop My love for you. All of your dreams are possible when you partner with Me. So many more. So much more. So many of your dreams ARE my dreams and I want to awaken them in you. 

You don't want for too many things outside of My will, that is true. Let me do this? Will you let Me awaken your dreams?

I replied: Yes Lord. I say yes. 

Next: Why is "it" like that?