Take My Heart

I became instantly besotted with "Take My Heart"while watching a Thursday afternoon Misty Edwards devo on the IHOP-KC webstream in 2008. My Nigerian son and I were hanging out in my living room and before long we both ended up facedown and weeping.

It turns out "Take My Heart" was actually written by Winnipegger John Janzen and later covered by Misty. I promptly searched for the songwriter on Facebook and found him in Japan, where he was living, and wrote him a blathering fan letter about how the song undid me.

For me, the kicker was the lyric: tears make my heart soft. All those tears I'd shed over the years that seemed so futile suddenly made sense and took on a whole new meaning. 

In fact, that line has almost become like my life slogan. Now when I cry, I often glance down at my mushy heart and smile.

For a long time I have waited for you
You have won my heart and I am following
For a long time I've been crying out for you
Tears make my heart soft and I am ready

For the return of my lover

Take my heart, my mind and strength too
I was made for loving you
And I will wait, and Ill be faithful
I was made for loving you

Fashioned from the very fabric of God
At the start of time, set free to decide
I will love You for You're the one who loved me first
Just one look from Your eye
I'm captivated by the eyes of my lover
By the eyes of my lover 

Bowing low there in the presence of the One
At the end of time and I hear the bells chime
For our wedding, it will wait no longer now
Oh, how I love You
I finally fall into the arms of my lover

#MonthfulOfMusic #HoodMom

Garden

It's a bit tragic when we don't see ourselves the way our Heavenly Papa does.

During a healing retreat I attended almost a decade ago, God revealed to me that I was His fragrant watered garden. I've also received several prophetic words that allude to my life as a tropical garden beside a river, as a garden of wildflowers and more. 

I didn't buy it because here's the thing...I actually have a black thumb. I don't dislike gardening per se, but I'm not at all good at it. My tomatoes get slugs. My cucumbers don't thrive. My lettuce wilts.

But when I first heard "Garden" by Misty Edwards something inside of me immediately awakened. The lyrics refer to us as gardens for God's pleasure and as I listened to it again and again and worshipped Him, something deep inside my heart became unlocked. 

I let the Master Gardener take over and I succumbed to His view of me. I made way for His nourishment and living water. I sprouted, I grew, I blossomed. I allowed myself to be pruned. I agreed to be viewed as simply being beautiful. I took the risk of being plucked out of the soil where I was planted. And I let the changing seasons do their inevitable work. I became the me I always was supposed to be. 

I know you're wondering "All of this because of a song?" 

The answer is absolutely...when it's a song penned by God and obediently sung over His daughters, good cultivation is absolutely possible.

And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. (Isaiah 58v11)

It's You and me alone God

You and me alone

You've hedged me in with skin all around me

I'm a garden enclosed a locked garden

Life takes place behind the face

So come into Your garden 

Come into Your garden

Here O Lord! Have I prepared a place for You

I'm no longer my own I'm Your garden

I don't want to waste my time living on the outside

I'm going to live from the inside out 

#MonthfulOfMusic #HoodMom

war on grumbling day twenty nine

Day 29

Today I'm thankful for, believe it or not, snow. #WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving

Winter finally came to Winnipeg today and with it, snow. I don't mind one bit. In the year 2000, I committed to never complain about the weather, a promise I have stayed true to. As well, I've noted the Bible mentions snow over 20 times and all of it is meaningful. It references the coldness of winter and compares its whiteness to clothing and leprosy. But most importantly, snow is allegory to describe also how clean our sins are when washed by the blood of Jesus.

This morning I was reading Job 37 and 38, two of my favorite chapters in the Bible, and I came upon:
For He says to the snow, be on the earth (Job 37:6)

I figure if God says it and I have to live through it, I might as well see it through His eyes.

I won’t be afraid; I will face the wind

I won’t be afraid; I’ll embrace the flame

Let the winds blow, let the winds blow

war on grumbling day sixteen

Day 16

Today I am thankful I don't fight my tears anymore. I've discovered those who sow in tears truly do reap with shouts of joy. 
#WarOnGrumbling #40DaysOfThanksgiving

Today was one of my weepy days. I used to resist those days but I have learned to just give in. Tears come for so many reasons -- joy, sadness, Holy Spirit, revelation, awe -- what's the point of fighting them? And they must have significance since God stores my tears in a bottle and records them in a book.

Tears also make my heart soft. And they keep it that way.

For a long time I've been crying out for You //

Tears make my heart soft //
I am ready for the return of the Lover

war on grumbling day eleven

Day 11

I'm thankful that God has made me a persistent widow crying out day and night for justice in the midst of an unjust world #WarOnGrumbling  #40DaysOfThanksgiving 


Tonight at my home group, I taught on Luke 18:1-8, the story of the persistent widow and the unjust judge. Because I'm a woman in the midst of a divorce while in the church, I sometimes feel not far removed from a widow in biblical times. This passage is one that has often encouraged me as I've contended for the people and issues God has laid on my heart over the past decade.

As we wrapped up the teaching and questioned each other about delays in answered prayer, my responses spurred me to an almost newfound amazement at how many of my requests Jesus actually has answered. Although I'm not going to lie...there are so many more I am still waiting on. 

And so I will be persistent. And like Jesus suggests, I will not lose heart. 

Just don’t give up, don’t give in

If you don’t quit, you’ll win, you’ll win

Lord, is there a wonderful memory in my life where you'd like to meet me?

As I continued on in my journey of asking God 40 questions in 40 days, He took me back to a special place from my childhood and suddenly one of the things He had spoken over me started to make sense. Because everything about Him makes perfect sense.

Day 12 - Lord, is there a wonderful memory in my life where you'd like to meet me?
What were You doing?

God said: 
I want to meet you at your Aunty Kate's farm.

And I said:
Of course you do.

God asked me:
Why are you crying?

I replied: 
I think I forgot how magical and enchanting that place was for me.

Yes Gaylene it's where I met you at that time. 
You used to look out over the land to the horizon and see Me. 
You climbed on the tractor to be with Me. 
You ate from the abundance of her garden. And she...

Kate?

Yes, always loved and accepted you. 

Enchanted Garden - John William Waterhouse

You were special to her heart. 
She tended to you. 
This is where you as my garden began. 
Earthy. Leafy. Beautiful. Abundant. Nourishing. Sustaining life. Growing. Nurturing. 

A fragrant watered garden. 

You.

NEXT: Lord, is there a painful memory in my life where you'd like to meet me?